My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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