Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
should my penis look like a turkey
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
