I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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