So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
