About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My dick has a subreddit
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
the raccoons are back...
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