Swine flu. Run for my life!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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