This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
