Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
