i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
