you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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