The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Text me some of your sweat
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
