I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize