So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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