Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
