just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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