she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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