He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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