smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
