The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
