We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
