Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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