My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
