The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
