he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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