so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
