It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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