He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
