I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
