it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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