He is an equal opportunity slut.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
