How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
