i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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