Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
