Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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