Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
