please come you make the beer taste better
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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