Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
