Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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