i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
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