Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
