____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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