didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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