I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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