btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize