Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
