hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
