Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
