Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
