mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
