And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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