She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
