I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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