Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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