she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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