Pappa wants mamma naked
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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