I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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