oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize