I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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