my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
