If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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