my vag is so smooth its legendary
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
