So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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