Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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