She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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