If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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