I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
