he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
they're like a gay fantastic four
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
