so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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