Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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