I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
