My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
