Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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