Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
