and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize