she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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