I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
