Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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