break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
