so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
