If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
