So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
