The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
