Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
