Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
