I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
did you just send me my own nude
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
