thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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