Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
