hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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