Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
