went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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