help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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