I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
